Golf Humor

1. A group of golfers were searching for one of their golf balls out in the deep rough. After several minutes of laboring, the golfer who sliced his ball out into the trash declares he has found his ball, inciting another in his group to scream, "He is a damm liar! I have his ball in my pocket!"
   
   
2. A golfer was hitting a ball from the first hole in front of the club house. The ball was sitting about 2 feet in front of the tee markers. The golfer approached the ball with his wood, set up silently, and was ready to swing when, over the loudspeaker, the voice of the pro from the clubhouse said,"Would the gentleman on the first tee please tee his ball behind the tee markers for his first shot."
   
   The voice broke the man's concentration, and he backed away, came up to the ball again, set up, and was again ready to hit. The voice over the loudspeaker repeated, "Would the gentleman on the first tee PLEASE tee up his ball behind the tee markers for his first shot."
   
   The golfer backed away, strolled up to the starter and said, "Would you please tell the gentleman in the club house that the gentleman on the first tee is hitting his second shot?"
   
   
3. Two friends were playing golf one day. They decided that they would adhere strictly to the rules, i.e., no improving their lie. After a few holes, one guy's ball landed on a cart path. As he reached down to pick up his ball to get relief his friend said, "We agreed that we would not improve our lie." No matter how much the first fellow tried to explain that he was entitled to this relief, the second fellow would not allow it.
   
   So the man went to the cart to get a club. As he stood over the ball he took a few practice swings, each time scraping the club on the pavement, taking out big chunks of blacktop and sending out lots of sparks! Finally, after several practice swings he took his shot. The ball took off and landed on the green about 6 feet from the pin.
   
   "Great shot!" his friend exclaimed. "What club did you use?" The man answered, "I used YOUR 7-iron!!!!!"
   
   
4. A funeral procession was driving by the golf course as a group was putting on the 18th green. Upon seeing the hearse, one of the players stopped and put his hat over his heart as the procession passed. "That was really a very nice gesture," one of his buddies said. "Hey, it's the least I could do. Sunday would have been our 35th wedding anniversary!"